Australia is a country I have never visited. I haven't studied it or obsessed about it. It's like Canada's smaller cousin. Originally a penal camp, it eventually flourished with culture and a mysterious, adventurous aura.  A few other small details is all I really know about Australia.

So I put on my internet jet wings and decided to visit someone who lives there.  I met up with Fred, a long time citizen of Australia. He explained to me the most important aspects of the Australian experience. If you want to learn more about Australia then read what Frank has to say. If, "meh", then yeah, "meh", but it's pretty funny and gives you a basic insight into the Australian culture.

From Fred:

1- UV Radiation!

Australia is located in the southern hemisphere. That means the Sun is too close in summer and too far in winter. This leaves us with the conclusion that the sun radiation in that region is higher than its counterpart in the Northern hemisphere. What makes things worse is the BIG ozone hole which is located right above Australia! The combination of these two factors makes the Sun radiation in summer very harmful, especially the UV portion of it. It results in the following problems:

 

a- Skin cancer:

You have to avoid the sun. Wear long sleeves and long pants, a hat with large rims, and apply sun block every couple of hours while you are out.

 

b- Eye cataracts:

To avoid this one you need to wear dark glasses when you are out.

 

c- Damage to the immune system:

You need to comply with the sun protection guidelines in order to avoid compromising your immune system and consequently being prone to diseases.

d- Damage to trees, buildings, and property:

Trees look sad. They get a dark color.

 

 

2- Pests!

Dont worry. They have many service companies that take care of this. However, they cant stop the spider from building its home so quickly every day. They cant stop it from checking your mail and lurking between your letters. Cockroaches, snakes, and rats would continue their usual patrols in and around your house!

 

 

3- People!

So rude! (Most of them to be fair). I have met some highly educated people who had been normal. However, the rest of them are divided into old people and young people. Old people are OK because they cant fight!. Young people are mostly snobbish, uneducated, and bad-mannered. They can easily attack you with glass or something! They are always drunk and angry. They hate you when they feel you are better than them; such as more educated, taller, more handsome, etc.. They think all foreigners should be admiring Australia. But when they learn that you have seen better places, they get crazy because they cant go there! They are also intolerant and they have zero sense of humor!

 

 

4- Cost of Life!

Just crazy! One reason behind it is that the government pays for babies. The stores know it and they charge accordingly. They assume you must have been receiving this government money and their job is to get it back. Tax on cars is high and that is reflected on their prices. Add to it the high tax on fuel (gas). All goods are way more expensive than Canada because they buy smaller quantities as they have a smaller population (23 million). One more reason is that there is less competition because of the hardship of getting business licenses there. Car parks and recreation places are too expensive (about 5 times more that the US).

 

 

5- Location!

If you want to travel anywhere internationally you got to pay handsomely for it. The place is remote and you feel isolated from the rest of the world. If you dont care about money (and I doubt it!), you might care about the travel time to get anywhere outside of the island! Even domestic travel is by no means similar to traveling within the US. There are not enough resting places along the highways, not enough gas stations either.

Carrying your luggage overseas is a real hassle. They charge you crazily even for your normal baggage, because in their terms, it is considered extra! Thats another way of robbing you! If you complain, they dont listen, and you cant board the plane!

I have traveled to 30 countries and never seen such a scrutiny of the weight of baggage. It is totally ridiculous because when you travel long distance you need more luggage. It seems their poor engineers are incapable of planning cost-efficient, customer-friendly flights, so they buy the wrong type of aircraft. Yes they have a shortage of many things.

 

6- Health Care!

You might be considering Australia because of their Universal health care system. My family and I have used their system and I tell you that it is funny! You have to wait for many months to find pediatric appointment. Dental care cost is crazy (e.g. $200 for tooth x-ray!). Long waits for any procedure. If you visit the ER, you expect to wait the whole night. Some small service centers are at par with developing countries. Since we are talking health, lets mention about the terrible coal mines which have created a major health problem especially to children. They suffer from Asthma and breathing problems because of the bad air quality.

 

7- Roads!

You got to like roundabouts a lot. They are everywhere. They make you feel dizzy because there are just a lot of them. There is no such thing as a straight road! Even their so called Highway is not actually a highway, as you might easily face a roundabout in the middle of that highway! There is no highway that leads to the airport, and you need to go through inner city streets to get there. It seems they dont like to invest in good roads. The whole transportation network is not comparable to what you find in Canada or even in other less developed countries. I have seen better roads in many places except Srilanka!

 

8- Education!

The first part are schools; There is not many options. Government ones are mostly crowded with trouble students. The private ones are expensive and most of them have religious identity. So if you are not Christian, your only choice are government schools where the quality of students is the worst. The second part are universities, where all of them are public and everybody studies for free! (almost) That is good, but the bad part is that they are not safe, especially at night with lots of rapes and attacks (mostly racially motivated). Of course there is no punishment or law. If you talk about the law, it is really funny that they will laugh at you! Higher education is a joke and most research is done by poor and frightened foreigners. There are no graduate courses! There are no qualifying exams! Only the thesis is enough! There is not even a defense of thesis! They just send it overseas for review! Some students visit the campus only once a month, just to check their mail! The reason is that there is not enough parking space! If you happen to be in a computer lab, expect to hear many F words!

 

9- Housing!

Too expensive and not worth it! Most houses are old and need maintenance which they dont provide, either because they save the money to drink, or they just dont want to fix it because you have no other choice. The supply is very limited because of heavy government regulations. Actually the government forbids new buildings so as to keep the price high, but the quality drops! To see a house you need to wait one week and normally many people will be there. You have to apply for many houses and accept whichever one you are offered (if you are lucky enough). Otherwise, you got to board the plane back to your country or to stay in an expensive hotel or with friends if that is possible. Be prepared that the neighbors hate kids and they cant tolerate any noise. However, you have to tolerate their loud cursing and fighting! If you have a plumping problem (and they are many, because of the poor workmanship), you expect the handy man to fix it, however, expect four people to visit your home over two weeks! The first one is only to take photos, the second is to check the problem, the other two try to fix it, ultimately, the problem will not be fixed and you have to call another one!

 

10- Crime!

Dont be stupid to think that Australia is safe because the population are overwhelmingly white and because they get government money! In fact it is not safer than America! In America, they use guns, and you get killed or hurt. In Australia, they use a glass, a knife, an ax, or even a gun. I leave the result to your imagination! They break into homes so often that most houses are located onto a close, which a form of a closed inner road specific for few houses in order to keep it quiet and for more safety.

I forget to mention about teenagers. You will (if you go there) hear a lot of stories about terrible teenagers attacks on old people, disable people, anyone who is weak enough to be attacked. Dont think you are strong because they attack in large groups and they use all kinds of weapons. I saw people who were scared to use the ATM machine when they saw three teenagers standing nearby. It is a risk to go out at night or to use transportation. You can see teenagers in groups in their cars or loitering waiting for the next victim. If you call the cops, you have to wait for more than three hours for them to arrive. After that they would try to talk to the guys and it happened before my eyes that the teenagers yelled at the cops and the cops couldnt do anything!

There is no arrest, no law enforcement, nothing! The teenagers get money directly from the government and they dont care about their parents. They are danger not only to foreigners, but to local people as well. Anybody who tries to live a normal life will be confronted by them. They can harass you by loitering around your house and disturbing you with their noises and screams.

 

11- Bonus reason!

Most of Australia is dry and there are a lot of bush fires and house fires. An additional reason is the abnormally high intensity of sun radiation which makes this risk even bigger. Sandstorms come from the desert as well.

Hmm!  Explains a lot! Thanks Fred!