Changed my facebook status to "seeing somebody" the other day.  Added Beth as a friend, so I thought it appropriate.  I got a deluge of comments about it as all of mine and troll-wife's acquaintances know the ugly soap opera of the termination of our marriage. 

 

An old girlfriend of mine from ages back is coming into town with her sister and a friend for party time.  When we dated, she would tease me with an old nickname I got teased with in elementary school, Tommy Salami.  She was interested in getting some info about ins and outs of Vegas and me getting special "locals only" deals for her and her entourage.

 

I sent her a long reply, detailing my relationship status and an amusing story about how I still fuck with girlfriends (as I did when I was dating her).

 

Now that I'm single and in Vegas, I've adopted a mafia style to my nickname. I'm Tommy "The Salami" Lastname. I think it works better that way.

 

I'll be here. Hopefully I'll be moved and settled, post divorce, by then.

 

It's kind of weird. I had no idea how popular I'd be as a single guy here in Vegas. I changed my status because I'm just now narrowed it down to one girlfriend. Since What's Her Name has pretty much surrendered primary physical custody of the kids to me, I don't have much time for dating. She only volunteers to watch the kids when her plans fall through. So I only find out I'm free at the last minute. I would literally go through my list of names (in order of preference) until somebody was free that night.

 

I'm reasonably attractive, employed, sober, and don't play head games with women. That puts me head and shoulders above 90% of my competition. The girl that I've given up the other girlfriends for isn't even the best looking. She's mostly the coolest and the most fun to be around. Okay... she's got a great body and is good in bed. I'm not totally immune from being a bit shallow.

 

She just met my kids for the first time tonight. I took the kids to the park and played disc golf with her while they played on the playground. When we were done, I asked her if she wanted to meet my kids. When she said she did, I couldn't resist fucking with her:

 

"I have something to confess to you. I'm kind of afraid how you're going to take it. I actually don't have any kids and I've never been married. The horrible divorce story and the traumatized kids is just a thing to do to get attention from women. I usually don't date people long enough for it to become a problem. I really like you and even though this is the point I usually dump women, I'd like to try to work through this and make an effort to keep seeing you because you're special."

 

 

You should have seen the look on her face. It was a toss up between shitting her pants and eye gouging me.

 

She met my kids and they showed off for her. It was, to my relief, completely an "unweird" situation.

 

When I called her tonight, afterwards, I still had to fuck with her:

 

"So were those kids convincing? I paid them each $20 to pretend they were mine. I think the little one put on a good enough act to give him an extra $5."

 

It's going well for me right now. The only tension I have now is how it's impacting my kids still and losing my house. That's tension enough though.

 

If you want, I'll get the "locals only" price on shows and events for you. I can get the cirque shows for about $30/ticket less than the going rate sometimes.

 

Tell me where you plan to stay and I'll give you a thumbs up/down for you.