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4:00 AM Blues

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Haven't written in a long time. I've been trying to write comedy blogs but, I don't know, they haven't been coming to me lately. So instead, I decided to post a not so funny blog. I 'aint a sad person overall. I'm just weird and of kilter and I tend to think too much about everything; which leads to some depressing ideas. Well, here's some strange red eye musings for 'yall. Just wrote what popped into my head on a boring night of insomnia.


PS: Sorry if there are any punctuation mistakes, when I transferred this from microsoft word to ebaums it got alittle jumbled up.


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                There I go again. I grope through the darkness and find the vessel. I drink its calming waters of sanity. I heal my mind by slowly killing it; which is fine, as the alternative is worse. At least, that's what I tell myself. I lay shackled in the prison, at least that's what part of me calls it. To the other, the word, fortress, comes to mind. As I look out into the blinding light of callousness, the former isn't as convincing. It never really was. It was just easier. Its apparent in them, basking in their glow. I see myself in them, and I hate that part of myself. However, for every step away from their empire I spitefully laugh to myself, even if the venture is into darker planes. I lower my eyes and wait for the delusional radiance to pass. Better here than them.


                   I see past musings and am left puzzled. Was I there? Was that me? The me seems alien now.  Yes, I used to be a citizen in their empire. I used to love it; because it was easy and it felt safe and reassuring. But no, that part is gone. I made sure of that. Exorcised the child. I can remember his face as I dug the ditch. Bloodshot eyes looming over a cackled, candy soaked grin; a crystalline, dried tear running down the cheek; crusty to the touch. No, he isn't here anymore. The dove is gone as well, he was of no use. Sought to crush me with impetuous mercy. Wishing to see good in places it didn't exist. Caught in a cage of his own naivete, clipped wings from blissfull ignorance. He was never right, never was. He is left locked away and willfully forgotten. Now, the phoenix expels violent black flames, cold to the touch. I complain of the chill as the room around me turns to ash and soot.


                 There I go again. I grope through the darkness and find the vessel. I drink its calming waters of sanity. I heal my mind by slowly killing it; which is fine, as the alternative is worse. At least that's what I tell myself. I'm still bewildered of the feeling.Jailed primordial, dwindling ethereal.  Hate and rage in the blood, focused and all seeing, but only depressed perspiration to show for it. A shrieking arrow that misses its mark. There is so much more to be, and yet Im frightened to reach. Why do I fetter myself?


                There I go again. I grope through the darkness and find the vessel. I drink its calming waters of sanity. I heal my mind by slowly killing it; which is fine, as the alternative is worse.  At least that's what I tell myself.  Better to be fearful of a truth than courageous in a lie. I must leave. I cant dwell here for much longer, for I may break. No, I mustn't dwell here! I cannot delve further into this. Cannot take the cowardly way out like before, however; must not halter all this "progress". Must not crawl to the empire for the deception of warmth and comfort; but I cannot delve further into this! I must find IT! I must find it...  tomorrow. Yes tomorrow! For today I'm too weak and tired to venture into higher planes. Ill just sit here, for a little bit longer, and bask in the black, cold flames as it all turns to soot. Just a little bit longer, I promise.


               There I go again. I grope through the darkness and find the vessel. I drink its calming waters of sanity. I heal my mind by slowly killing it; which is fine, as the alternative is worse. At least that's what I tell myself. The dove is chained. The jackal laughs.

The_Bourbonator Uploaded 08/23/2011
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