so i was 11 years old and starting my first year at what i would call secondary school. a kid turns to me and says 'hey' i'm like, hmm? 'you know about fapping?' i think he referred to it as "sinning" i was in a catholic school at the time... anyway, i'm like whaaaa? you do what? with your whaaaat? sceptically i'm like 'na, shat up man you iz pulling my chain like' actually i was not nearly cool enough to talk like that, but lets just move on...

i get home and no ones around... ;) perfect. i'm like ok, i dont need a manual for this shit, i will just wing it. ok it kinda hurts but i'm sure something good will come from this. hmm nothing yet. actually, is there a manual for this shit? so i'm sitting there noob fapping. thinking about skateboarding, gameboys, homework, 14 year old girls... wahooo now we have a winner! start fapping hard, hurting a bit more. kinda feels like i am shoving it between 2 bits of wood. then suddenly, pow! oh sweet mother of christ! that feels so... wtf is this shit! omg i'm leaking, my guts are spewing out the end of my winky! i decide to act cool, this was god punishing me for "sinning" i think this was the first time i realised how much fun sinning was. if god was going to punish me whatever i do, i might as well get my dollars worth! and over the years, i certainly did ;)

now as a veteran fapper, i look back and think of that age of discovery. one boy with his pet, that wont ever die or run away. taking him on many walks, checking out many nooks and crannies. whenever i say the magic word he stands up with his little tail waggling, ready to perform. i put on his little jacket; he likes it when its wet. i was really sad when once he became ill and caught something bad. but he is fine now, if a bit more careful... he always goes out now with a jacket on, he learnt his lesson...

so this is a homage to a man's best friend. may he always be with him and never be too tired to rise to the occasion, no matter how old he gets.

this blog was brought you in partnership with Budweiser. a cool refreshing taste of intoxication and loss of judgement.