'Twas the Night before Tuesday
Twas the night before Tuesday, when all through the house
A man sits with indifference, clicking a white mouse
Because he is bored, and with nothing to do
He decides to browse Amazon to buy something new
.
Though he wants not a thing, his needs are fulfilled
He continues to shop, for time must be killed
DVDs and CDs, and Blue-rays galore
With nothing of interest, he searches for more
.
Movie upon movie, the titles he did browse
Hoping for that special thing, that thing thatd arouse
The chemical secretion that the brain does emit
When it finds what it wants, so he can buy it
.
Within the assortment of goods, but one caught his eye
He clicks product details, and proceeds to stand by
Upon the computer screen, with a glitch and a flutter
Came a box-set of movies he could shelve with his clutter
.
The John Candy Collection he just now desired
Contained classic comedies during youth he admired
Uncle Buck and Summer Rental, Spaceballs and Stripes
The Great Outdoors he remembers was a movie thats nice
.
Nothing but Troubles a flick thats best to forget
But it still deserves a place within the box set
Canadian Bacon John did just before he passed
But most say Wagons East, a falsehood thatll last
.
March 4th of 94, the day the world did weep
For thats when our dear funnyman forever fell asleep
With his mind decided to buy this collection
He clicked list price to see the worth of his affection
.
Fifty-eight dollars was more than he could spend
He doubted his roommates had money theyd lend
He pictured all the movies perched upon his shelf
And resolved to find a way to satisfy himself
.
He mined through couch cushions and drawers filled with junk
It was at that moment he realized he was drunk
Monday nights for people who have little to do
Crack the bottle early and one drink becomes two
.
Then two drinks becomes three, then three turns to four
And the body becomes transfixed on having just one more
With a half a bottle gone, and a void to satisfy
Is the reason he searches for things he can buy
.
Things he doesnt need, and to be honest, doesnt want
But he convinces he does, lest urges will taunt
For a cavity thats trenched within a blank existence
Must be filled with more goods with substantial persistence
.
With reluctance he retrieves his card from billfold
Already his appetite feels more consoled
He types the cards numbers with blazing precision
Already in his mind, he regrets the decision
.
He types the information with each keyboard key smack
Along with expiration date and three-digits on the back
As his eyes grow heavy, midnight the clock did tick
He purchased all the movies with a single mouse click
.
Beneath the warm covers he finally did crawl
And into a deep sleep he eventually did fall
For he knew a hangover would tomorrow encumber
So rest well he must, drift off to soft slumber
.
With sweet thoughts of the antics of Cool Runnings in mind
Notions of Jamaican bobsledders was comedy defined
The next morning he awoke with a pain in his head
He reached for the water he kept by his bed
.
With swigs and sucks and guzzles galore
He downed the whole glass and soon needed more
After drowning his parched core, his immediate needs met
He awoke his computer and turned on the TV set
.
Your orders been shipped! said the email from sender
His heart filled with glee, satisfaction and splendor
He selected Package Tracking from the message that was sent
To learn that Toledo was the journeys extent
.
Its delivery date did the message predict
Was the following Tuesday, but he knew the day picked
Wasnt always the day the package would arrive
Because of variables like how the deliverer drives
.
Or conditions of the roads or slow cars to pass by
But if events are superb the drop-off date it will defy
For it could come a day sooner than the email foretold
But it was out of his hands, no factor he controlled
.
Finally the day came that he yearned for so long
His doorbell chime echoed the usual ding-dong
Out of his bed he dashes with tremendous passion
His heart skipped a beat, his red cheeks turned ashen
.
He descended the steps with the speed of a sprinter
And opened the front door that blocked the chill winter
Standing in pajamas he glanced by to see
A deliveryman bounding past an oak tree
.
Leaping into the brown truck with an exquisite fine skip
Then a quick wave and a honk before he continued his trip
With the box firmly wrapped within his bent arm
He brought it to his chest to protect it from harm
.
He opened the box to reveal whats inside
He removed the bubble wrap and tossed it aside
He admired his treasure, the thing he longed for
The product he craved that he couldnt ignore
.
From the glossy slipcases to the viewers guide books
He thumbed the DVDs and gave pages quick looks
He positioned each case expertly on the shelf
Assessed his great work, content with himself
.
With his fulfillment fleeting and with nothing to do
He hopped back online to shop for things new
Back he was browsing to satisfy his lust
While his collection sat dormant, only to collect dust
By: Noah Regan
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