Fart Barmcakes And Their Life Changing Lampshade-Related Affects
vincentlewtas1
Published
02/17/2012
Whilst sat contemplating whether to insert a plastic knitting needle into the eye socket of a dead pigeon, or to laugh maniacally at a lampshade, I decided that I would make myself something to eat in order to aid my tough decision. So, I smeared butter on a bowling ball and rolled it down a steep, grassy hill in order to summon the God of ice cream cones. To my disappointment, it didn't work.So, I went home and farted inside a barmcake and then proceeded to consume this questionable, savoury snack.
I immediately spewed up as a result of tasting the foul flavourings which were the gasses dispelled from my bowels. As a proud Jewish man, I didn't want to waste what ever food I had brought back up, so I knelt down and proceeded to salvage the bits of carrot and mince meat I could pick out from the steaming puddle of sick which was before me.
With a handful of fine savoury ingredients, I decided it would be a good idea to make a quick soup. So I threw them into a pan, added some chicken stock and proceeded to make a tasty carrot and mince meat soup. As I peered through my council house window which over-looks a graveyard and a few burnt-out cars whilst consuming this tasty snack, I finally decided what to do before I began my somewhat messy endeavours - I would laugh at lampshades.
Now I spend most of my waking hours wiping tears away from my cheeks as I laugh at the black and white lampshade which lies on the floor of my lonely, empty house. Some would say that this is merely an obligation, as it is my only possession that I currently own. But, I am happier than I've ever been.
I like string.
I immediately spewed up as a result of tasting the foul flavourings which were the gasses dispelled from my bowels. As a proud Jewish man, I didn't want to waste what ever food I had brought back up, so I knelt down and proceeded to salvage the bits of carrot and mince meat I could pick out from the steaming puddle of sick which was before me.
With a handful of fine savoury ingredients, I decided it would be a good idea to make a quick soup. So I threw them into a pan, added some chicken stock and proceeded to make a tasty carrot and mince meat soup. As I peered through my council house window which over-looks a graveyard and a few burnt-out cars whilst consuming this tasty snack, I finally decided what to do before I began my somewhat messy endeavours - I would laugh at lampshades.
Now I spend most of my waking hours wiping tears away from my cheeks as I laugh at the black and white lampshade which lies on the floor of my lonely, empty house. Some would say that this is merely an obligation, as it is my only possession that I currently own. But, I am happier than I've ever been.
I like string.
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