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Ramblings of the Stoned III

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"Write drunk, edit sober." - Ernest Hemingway


-If people have evolved into smarter beings, that must mean sassy comebacks have also evolved.  Was there a time, like in the Dark Ages, where "No, you are!" would be considered so witty, there was just no coming back from it?

 

-I wonder if a memory is made stronger and more vivid if there were a unique scent involved.  They say olfactory is very much associated with recollection.

 

-Just realized when classic rock front-men pronounced things like "wild thang", it was an attempt to sound like a Southerner or black.  It was Northerners, Englishmen and Canadians trying to sound more roots.  They were the wiggers of their generation.

 

-I wonder if the male tradition of remaining sexually non-suggestive during greetings (i.e. the handshake instead of a hug or kiss on the cheek) is a result of their supreme hyper-awareness of their own libidos.  The traditions were probably made by closeted gays trying to make sure they were not ever tempted or publicly outed by an inadvertent boner.


*Sober author's note - Scratch that.  I remember learning that the handshake used to be performed by two warriors grasping each others right forearm to show they had no daggers hidden in their sleeves.  The gesture eventually evolved to palm-to-palm.  Still, I think I may have been on to something when it comes to the different levels of appropriateness of affection shown between two men to that of two women in Western culture.

 

-What if I'm being big-headed by assuming my parents would be devastated if I died? 

 

-It's impossible to debate with a certain kind of person.  You can't win, because they're too dumb to know they've lost.  You can't lose, because they're too thick to realize you've ceded; You give them the last word, and they think you're giving them the silent treatment.  You can't come to a compromise, because they're too close-minded to let anything you say sink in, unwilling to change their opinions, while ironically agreeing that you learn something new every day.  A debate with such people always ends in a stalemate.  My theory is they're of average intelligence, and due to certain circumstances have been surrounded by idiots their whole life, so they begin to believe their selves to be geniuses.

 

-If Greg Gagne married Reese Witherspoon, they'd be the Gagne-Witherspoons.

 

-The cure to hoarding is moving every 2 or 3 years.  You get less and less sentimental each time you have to pack up all that shit, move it out, transport it, move it back in, and unpack it.

 

-Some people will tell you that everyone cheats in relationships.  People that say this are either habitual cheaters themselves, and trying to make themselves not look so bad by dragging everyone else down with them, or they've been unlucky in love, have been cheated on several times, and convince themselves this is true so they don't feel so shitty about how they're regularly mistreated.

 

-Being intoxicated usually means you're on a tangent of thought, which helps calm you down.  It sure does suck when that tangent all of a sudden takes a negative turn, and you can do nothing to stop it.  That's when high becomes anxiety attack.

 

-After witnessing how a DVD menu's music or a roommate cooking bacon can change my dreams, I wonder if the sounds of my parents being amorous the next room over ever gave me nightmares as a child.

 

-A Christian trying to walk the path of righteousness thinks "What would Jesus do"?  A heathen trying to walk the path of righteousness thinks "Just don't be a twat about it".

 

-Some people I would trust enough to place a sack of money next to and walk away, but I wouldn't trust them to be honest with me about who they really are.

 

-Just had a dream where I got to interview Joni Mitchell.  Her answers to my questions were just as thoughtful and eloquent as you'd expect, but she was eating her boogers the entire time.

 

-That last dream inspired me to briefly research why booger eating is something all children need to be discouraged from.  By some accounts, its a natural way to build up your immune system. Basically, it's the poor man's flu shot.
 


-That's the second thought in this entry that Ive recorded regarding boogers.  Its the third in this "Ramblings of the Stoned" series.  Its like the philosophy part of my brain is busted when I get high, and randomly reverts back to a third grader's sensibility, where everything falls back to boogers.  


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