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RETIREMENT CHOICES

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You can retire to Phoenix or Tucson, Arizona whereâ¦
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. Youâve experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that âdry heatâ is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
OR You can retire to California whereâ¦
1. You make over $250,000 and you still canât afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR You can retire to New York City whereâ¦
1. You say âthe cityâ and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but canât find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is ânature.â
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. Youâve worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR You can retire to Minnesota whereâ¦
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
OR You can retire to the Deep South whereâ¦
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. âYâallâ is singular and âall yâallâ is plural.
3. âHe needed killinâ is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen , Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either âin yonder,â âover yonderâ or âout yonder.â Itâs important to know the difference, too.
OR You can retire to Colorado whereâ¦
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR You can retire to the Midwest whereâ¦
1. Youâve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from âheatâ to âA/Câ on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: âWhereâs my coat at?â
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, âIt was different!â
OR FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind â even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.


Easy Street? Isn't that right around the corner from Delusional Drive?
dcglen1996 Uploaded 07/10/2012
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