asian parents: proven to result in better grades

cigarettes: because you go to community college

adderall: when you need to stay up all night memorizing a page of notes for the final

Guitar: career backup plan

Starbucks gift card: because you need to be at starbucks to feel motivated

Atlas Shrugged: because you’re just the type of winner described in an Ayn Rand novel.

Notebook: to write the subject name on the front and then never open again.