The Celebrity Punch-in-the-Face Scale
The scientists at Ebaumsworld have taken time away from their illegal cloning facilities to more closely research this phenomena known as "Punchable Face Syndrome" (PFS), cataloging each case in a spectrum known as the "Punchability Index", which ranges from 1 to 10 depending on severity.
Name: Mark Cuban
Occupation: Billionaire Businessman, Owner of Dallas Mavericks
Punchability Index: 8
Description: Look at this guy. Just look at him. From his stupid fucking hair to that permanent dumb baseball-jock look on his mug, Mark Cuban's face inspires the kind of violence found in the yards of maximum security penitentiaries.
Name: Shia Labeouf
Punchability Index: 10
Description: The poster-child of punchable faces, Shia Labeouf is an obvious but necessary part of this list. Labeouf has one the most infuriating faces on the planet, which probably why people hate him so much in the first place. So severe is his FPS that everything he does makes you want to tie him to a fucking rocket ship and fire him into deep space where he canât bother you anymore.
Name: Bill Maher
Occupation: "Comedian", "Pundit"
Punchability Index: 9
Description: Bill Maher is like the smug know-it-all kid you knew in high school, and he looks the part too. A sarcastic smirk seems to have made itself permanent resident on his face, and regardless of how you feel about his political beliefs, you still canât help but fantasize about dome-checking him with a fire-extinguisher.
Occupation: Ruining Rap Music
Punchability Index: 11
Description: Drake looks like an Argonian from Skyrim. His eyes are so far apart it looks like they got a divorce. From his shit-eating grin to his douchey facial hair, everything about his face screams âassault and battery chargeâ.
Name: Bradley Cooper
Punchability Index: 8
Description: Bradley Cooper looks like a fucking rat. What makes his stupid face so punchable is that he looks so god damn successful. I mean, just look at this asshole. He looks like every rich yuppie villain from every Adam Sandler movie ever made. This fucking douche looks like he closes down orphanages in his spare time.
Name: Piers Morgan
Occupation: British Journalist, Television Host
Punchability Index: 7
Description: Perhaps what makes Piers Morganâs face so punchable is that he looks so goddamn British. Morgan looks like a fucking redcoat general from the Revolutionary War, which makes the idea of tar and feathering him all the more desirable.