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Post-nuclear War Stuff To Look Forward To

If you played the Fallout or Wasteland video game series, you probably know that only the select few is going to survive World War III, and that the world is going to be a huge, radiated wasteland. Human population reduced from billions to a few hundred thousand, paired with contamination of the land and water, earth infested with savages, cannibals, mutants... in other words AWESOME. So, what should we look forward to?

Vault Dwellers


Brought up in the safety of an underground vault, safe from radiation and the atrocities of the world outside, these people hold the weapons and technology that let them survive outside. They've spent their whole lives inside giant cement basements. Which makes them pale. And dorky. Let's face the facts, the only challenge these people would pose is if you played against them in an MMORPG. Which they probably mastered, playing on a daily basis, because what else is there to do in a closed down vault? Nerdy ass basement dwellers.



Yup, everyone knows that the right weapon is the key component of survival. It must be fast, accurate and light. The recoil may be and issue when you need to fight multiple opponents. That's why the right choice would of course be... one of those ancient multi-barrel cannons soldiers used to attach to vehicles during the first World War. Naturally, you will be carrying it around and won't use any support other than your own arms.

Mutant girls


The scientists agree that most common mutations are weird hair color, night vision, enhanced senses, inhuman strength. Things that will make any normal human want to be a mutie. Imagine the hot chicks. Like that chick with 3 tits from Total Recall. That sort of stuff. Right? WRONG, YOU IDIOT! You'll most likely grow a mushroom on your damned face.


The PIP Boy


Could someone explain to me why is this shit using a green and black screen? Why is it so big? Doesn't it look a bit heavy? How many times did you give yourself a black eye when fixing your hair? Ever heard of a smart phone?

The vehicles


There's not going to be much gas left after the war, and the refineries won't be operated, so fuel would be one of the most precious substances in the world. Along with mmunition. So, following the same pattern as with the minigun, the most reasonable vehicle to drive would be a gas guzzling motorcycle. But a much bigger one than the currently used. Something that will draw every savage beast, scavenger and whatever else might find tearing you apart to be a good idea, with it's amazing sound. Preferably a one giant tire operated like a motorcycle that could be heard from miles away.



Welcome to the future!



It's not cool if it's not made of leather and clock parts.

Neo- Nazis


With all those mutants around... who else will be hating on the non-humans?

Super soakers


This is where the technological advance pays off. The super soakers of the future will allow much better accuracy and range.

Hot chicks


The girls you wouldn't kick out of your vault.

Hot studs


The guys you'd like to put their miniguns into your satchel.

The vaults


The underground shelters for the rich. Noticed I used the word "rich"? Yes, as in "not you." Complete with recreational centers, mini golf section, a spa, massage parlor, 3D cinema and other stuff you can't afford. There's a test that determines whether or not you'd qualify for getting a place in a vault. There's only one question: If Brad Pitt needed someone to borrow him a few hundred million dollars for a new house, what is the chance of him calling you?

The wasteland survivors


If you're lucky enough to live somewhere where the radiation doesn't fry your body, you might have a chance at survival. The scrap yard is the place to go for anything you need to settle down and get yourself a self-made sling, fire thrower or a spiky club. You need to remember that there's others who would like to get access to your... um... treasure. So be prepared to fight a lot. The cool thing is you get to eat a lot of meat. There's plenty of rats and cockroaches around.

The douchebags


The type of guy that would shoot selfies with his posse and put them on Facebook is back. "Hi baby, do you like my gun?" accompanied with a dorky smile and a cigarette in their mouths (they don't light them, they're too rare to stumble upon) is the most possible thing you might hear from these guys. Although there's not many men to pick from in the post-nuclear world, these guys never get any pussy. Their heads are as empty as their pockets, and the guns they have are for show. They carry the most bad-ass looking guns, but they never have the bullets for them.

The gays


Even in the ruined world full of mutants and barbarians there's still place for being fabulous.



Speaking of them... since the civilisation has caused the world to become devastated, some people threw away the technology and went back into nomadic lifestyle. Along with the technology, they have also abandoned hygiene



Unfortunately, anime remained, even after the nuclear war. You can still find nerdy teens, and even worse, adults, watching Naruto and other Japanese cartoons they've found among the relics of the past. You'll find grown men squeeking like girls and obese girls dressed up as their favorite cartoon characters, speaking broken Japanese.



Daddy issues are timeless.

And last but not least...

Keanu Reeves

shylilazn Uploaded 07/24/2013
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