Dear Professor,
I have an 8 year old daughter that has been going over to her friend's house for sleepovers. Every time she goes, I get a phone call at 11 PM with her crying about wanting to come home. I started getting concerned about this, and I went online, and stumbled across the fact that my daughter's friend has an uncle who is a sexual predator residing at the same address. Should I be concerned the next time my daughter asks to sleep over there? - Worried Dad

Dear WD,
Sometimes I receive letters, and often I am concerned for the person who is the topic of the letter. But occasionally, I become concerned for the writer of the letter. First of all, if your daughter was in any threat from a sexual predator, she would probably be dead. Predators are well known for stalking and killing their prey (i.e. lionesses, falcons, and Italian men). Most likely what is happening is that your daughter is a spoiled brat, who cannot sleep over at another individual's home. I presume she already is sleeping on a Tempurpedic Mattress, and has an over-aligned spine and cannot sleep in sleeping satchels. I remember when my children Sappho and Oeddie were 8. They refused to sleep on beds and instead chose to sleep on the floor of my observatory. Admittedly, they were doing research on quasars on my behalf, but they enjoyed it, and as a result were not spoiled by the frills of living at home. I suggest you take your daughter out of her hidey-hole of privilege and force her to experience living in more stressful environments. I think the added challenge of surviving an evening with a predator will prove most beneficial. Hope that helps.

Love, Professor Genius