This one time I went to visit my Auntie Em. She wanted to take me to the Empire State building. I drove the whole way there. I've been having these weird cravings for cheese lately so I ate string cheese like non stop on the drive.

Well when I finally got there my Auntie welcomed me and hugged me. Come on in make yourself at home.

She showed me to my room, I unpacked and decided to take my regular pre sleep shit. The one right before the shower and teeth brushing but after my favorite tv show. As I sat there humming my favorite tune, nothing came out. I was constapated so bad. I had to shit but I couldn't. There was so much pressure. Well, I'll sleep it out and finish in the morning.

In the morning still nothing. Auntie fixed me a really greesy omelet, a huge helping of hashbrown with lotsa mayo. And of course a big cup of steaming coffee. All covered in gravy. All of this settled quickly in my lower instestines.

You ready? Yah auntie lets go. The empire state building elevator was down but she wanted to show me the top most level really bad. I didn't want to hurt aunties feelings even though my stomach hurt. So we climbed lots of stairs and ladders and finally got to the roof level.

It was really windy and all around was chain link fence. Suddenly my ass exploded out a huge fart. I gripped my tummy and my aunty hit me jokingly. ohhhh i don't feel so good. Here take this it always helps with my belly ache. She handed me some chocolate and I ate it quick. Anything to get this pain over with.

Yes you know, laxatives help deal with the pain--- she just went on and on. Laxatives? I thought Aw fuck. Just then a fart busted open a hole in my pants. I bent over in pain and liquid shit volcanoed out my ass. All the people were screaming bloody murder because they were covered in poo.

Machine gun farts followed by solid turd missles shooting through the chain link fence dividing the poop bullets into even more projectiles. They fell by the hundreds, stories down landing on the unsuspecting bystanders killing them instantly. Splat splop sploosh. Splat splop sploosh. My auntie just stood there aw struck.

Thankfully I wasn't tried for murder. The judge went easy on me and just made me pay a resti-toot-ion.