Are you a frequent traveler or are you planning to fly for the first time? Let this blog be a PSA, No a Manifesto on how NOT to be the biggest douche in the world...The BackPacking Douche Bag.   Our story begins well into your journey, you have parked your car, checked in and made it through the security cattle line  and dealt with those inept check collecting former burger king employees;  the TSA.  The announcement is made that boarding will begin shortly, so you being a smart person who booked early, is proudly holding a GROUP ONE boarding pass. You saunter up to what you think is the line, but there's a holdup, people start crashing into one another, blocked by one shithead at the very front of the line with a back pack who is holding a GROUP FOUR boarding pass. And so it begins..You are in the FatFuck BackPacker Zone!   You can expect to see these fatfucks finally boarding the plane with their fat fuck backpack that ends up banging everyone in the head as they waddle their fat fucking ass down the aisle. Then they stick their double wide ass out in the aisle, bent over and holding everyone else up as they search said back pack for their home made Ham & Cheese sandwich that ends up stinking up the entire plane, because they're too cheap to pay for Chick Filet at the airport.    A cheap form of entertainment is catching these fatfucks reading skymall and jumping straight over to the Omaha Steaks section. I love watching how their fat fuck eyes water up cuz they know they can only afford Walmart beef.

You can always expect a  mid flight interruption to your peace when they get up to to the bathroom, and they now have sweaty ass funk, which permeates the cabin as they waddle to the lavatory and then bug the flight attendant to give them a full can of Diet fucking Coke. Beware of the Fat Fuck during drink service that puts his seat all the way down, because why? Fat Fuck, that's why !  Finally, it is time to deplane. They're always the first assholes standing in the aisle even though the gate chime hasn't rung, but do they grab their fat ass back pack from the over hang, so they can promptly exit the airplane? No of course not. Fat Fuck waits until it's his/her turn to start to move / waddle down the aisle, when they turn to the person behind them and say " excuse me, but can you help me take my fat ass back-pack down "? But you are not done yet, because you will be annoyed one last time by Fat fuck at the baggage claim carousel pushing his/her fat ass through the crowd to get his duct taped raggy luggage.

The Bottom line is this: If you travel with a back pack and if you are a fat ass or not, you may think you are out of other people's way, but your backpack is still in other people's way and this is profoundly annoying to other people. Being that you are probably a Millennial Hipster, who in childhood got trophies even when his soccer team lost and was told over & over again that he/she is "mommy's precious angel"; you're probably too self entitled to give a fuck. Which is why when one of you assholes is in line in front of me banging your backpack in my face, I'll be the one unzipping the pouches and sticking a snot rag of chewed bubble gum and other bodily fluids inside. You're Welcome.