3 Weird Alien Abductions
    Alien abductions have been a part of the world for many years now. So long in fact that there are movies and TV shoes based around them. Of course this spawns conspiracy theorists who try to explain it all as definate signs that we are all about to be killed by an alien invasion one year. Here are some abduction cases that are just bizarre.

1)    Antonio Villas Boas
Here is one of the first cases in the modern era of alien abductions. Working on his farm in Brazil, he saw what he thought was a bright star with a red color. It came up on him rapidly and naturally he ran away. (http://www.weirdworm.com/3-bizarre-tales-of-alien-abduction/)
 
          
        "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!!!"

    He was abducted and the aliens were talking in a language he couldn't understand. Being he is from Brazil, he probably couldn't understand anything that isn't his native language. They were probably speaking some kind of Ebonics.

    Upon being captured, he was stripped naked and covered in a weird liquid. It was definitely alien semen. He was then visited by a beautiful woman with slanted blue eyes. An Asain woman? He then got some sweet, sweet alien loving. 
 
    "I swear this has never happened to me before. It's not you it's me. Okay, maybe it is you. You are an alien after all."

    After the interstellar booty call he was returned to his farm. Either they were done with him or the alien he fucked got herpes. Even aliens can't cure that shit.

 
2)    Anonymous man abducted
    It was 1988 and he was sleeping until he was awaken by the sound of dogs barking. For some reason he was in the street and couldn't move his body at all. He was taken to a path in the woods and saw the ship which two alien beings exited. (http://www.ufocasebook.com/trueaccountofalienabduction.html)
    He asked what they were doing and he said they were taking him behind the moon so they could not be seen on radar. It was the dark side of the moon. Probably inspired by Pink Floyd. This must have been what they were talking about.

    He woke up naked in a pool filled with a strange liquid he was told he can breathe and eat. What's their deal with all this strange liquid? He wasn't alone in the pool. I assume they wanted him to be comfortable. They then took him out of the pool and probably without putting much thought into this, he started threatening to hit them. 
 
"I swear I'll punch you right in the mouth. Is that your mouth or some kind of gills? Either way I'm throwing hay makers."

        They explained they would do medical procedures on him if he cooperated. If he didn't cooperate they would kill him. Probably. They took semen and skin from him to make alien babies. They gave him the most hardcore alien porn to whack it to. 

    Then the alien took him to a room where two teenagers appeared to by controlling the ship in some way. All those years of Mountain Dew, Doritos, and video games finally paid off big. 

    They then entered a room where a dead cow was hanging and lowered into a pool, possibly a nice marinade? These aliens were all about hospitality. 
 
        
They got hooked after they went to Outback for the first time. 

    After some more talking he was put back in his house with just five minutes to get to work. They didn't want him to be late. They weren't dicks after all.

3)    Woman abducted more times that she can count
She claims to have been abducted by aliens all her life. They started as she was only five years old (http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/hilary-porter-woman-abducted-aliens-3506100). She was playing in a field and was approached by a reptilian figure. It dragged her through the field and onto their ship. She was then stripped and put on  some sort of bed. This must be the standard for all alien abductions. It might be part of some protocol. They'll get fired if they don't do this.
 

 She claims to suffer from migraines and feels very ill and sometimes wakes up with fresh scars or bruises and blood on her clothes or bed sheets. These guys must have been rookies.

    She says she has an implant in her ear and has since found others who have experienced similar encounters. She claims to be abducted less often. She asked if she could move in with them but this freaked the aliens out as they are scared of commitment and promptly never called her again.