My Complaint of Ebaumsworld.com
There are some comments I need to make regarding Ebaumsworld.com. So, without further ado, I present you with this all-important piece of information:
Long ago Penguins and Humans fought a war for the galaxy and after a thousand years of war with trillions dead humans did the unthinkable in a last desperate act - humans denied their enemy victory as remaining human forces fell back to earth and razed all their worlds using nukes and biochemical weapons and orbital bombardment. Humans won the P-Day Invasion only to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Only one inhabitable planet remains for humans - Earth, which the penguins now have a foothold on. We are now in a corner some say we put ourselves in.
The penguins, however, are not dicks. They have studied other "galactic wars" and their research led them to one decision... they must hone their skills with the Light Saber in order to achieve their ultimate goal of victory over the human race, and eventually enslave us in their sanity vault. Only then shall they show us the true force of their stubby little hands.
The penguin (also known as a polar bird) is a race of pure evil and darkness. They see humans as the only thing to stand against them, and they only wish death to humans. As humans, we are fighting a losing battle against them. Our only hope is to unite against them or we will fall.
Nobody knows, exactly, where the penguins came from, but leading scientologists have come to the conclusion that they come from somewhere cold, probably Norway. Only a frostbitten place like that could possibly instill in someone the endless misery and anger that penguins feed off. Like vikings. Sort of.
Warning: the Penguin Death Squad will hunt you down for reading this. I suggest you lock your doors and board up your windows. Oh, and watch your mail, television, radio, and other media output devices - the PDS has ways of getting to you, and into your mind.
It is now that we as humans must stand and be strong. Long is the hour that man fights for peace. We have seen it, we have breathed it, and now we will live it! We all know that it is a privilege to be alive. It is a privilege to be free! Our fight is not for kingdom or country. It is not for spoils or financial gain. We will fight for that which matters most! Our freedom! Let this day be the day that we yell out from holy heaven to Earth! No penguin should be given pity nor remorse. We must hit them swiftly, and bluntly before they hit us again! So stand with me now brothers as I say this!
It is a privilege to fight!
…May Jesus bless you all