What you didnt do this weekend
Saturday night I joined my best bros down in Georgia and promptly set foot on one of the most mad weekends of the last decade.It started with the exploration of a old barn. We found some carburator cleaner and Mike ended up spraying Me in the face with it, just about the time I landed on a gallon of race fuel and returned fire,top off,promply drenching Mike in petrol. Many belly laughs later, during a lull,Mike decided to have a cig. "Mike dont LIGHT that cigarette." "Mike DON'T LIGHT that CIGARETTE." "oh damn" And then Mike was on fire. That shirt came over his head so fast it didn't even get the chance to singe his hair. And then I grabbed it and danced like a madman waving fire in circles and throwing it in air and catching it and tossing it to whomever was close by, until it was all just little flaming bits around us on the ground.
We walked down to where the horses were and I rode a donkey until he bucked me off.I promptly found the wildest horse and approached him.Mike gave me a boost (and a shove in the right direction, as the horse took off upon realizing I was about to jump on him). And off we went. Saddleless, I gripped his mane. And the more tightly I gripped his mane the faster he went. And then there was a tree,suddenly in front of the horse. He hesitated, briefly slowing and I took the opportunity to JUMP THE HELL OFF. My balls hurt till noon thr next day from that ride. The next morning brought more madness, once again. We started the day with a ride in a tiny little Dodge Omni Turbo. Hella fast. But after TESTING the emergency brake @40mph and leaving some nice marks on the pavement, we realized that the clutch was no longer in service. Yea.We broke it.
So after we hauled the piece of shit back to the house and had a few beers, we ate lunch. After lunch we decided that the quarter mile long hill leading from the house down to the road would make an excellent runway for a tricycle. So we took turns flying down this IMPOSSIBLY steep hill on that rickety old tricycle that could barely maintain a straight line with the most monumental effort on the part of the rider. Safety first,we wore helmets of course. We're not STUPID,after all...Mike and Javin felt that it would be appropriate for Javin's jeep to pull the tricycle back up the impossibly steep driveway with some rope. They thought it best to wrap the rope around their hands "so it wouldnt let loose" And quickly learned the taste of gravel and pavement . Mikes hands looked like bologna. I decided that it would be a better idea to tie the rope to the actual tricycle frame. this proved to be a much more efficient mode of transport until Javin decided to let some slack into the rope. And then nails the gas. As a result,I rode a wheely up that hill at 40mph. No joke, there were witnesses. Then I did it again.I suppose it's my own fault because when Javin asked my whether I wanted to go FAST or OFF ROAD, I said; "yup". we have all laughed so much this weekend that it may take weeks for our sides to heal from splitting. You guys are like therapy. Swear to god. Can't wait for the next episode. Don't die till I get there.