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Message to the Queen

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It has come to the attention of the American public that you do not like the way things are done here.  Your list has been recieved, reviewed, (laughed at) and countered with a "list of our own.

If the Queen doesn not find what the following list says acceptable, we kindly ask her to suck it and stop being such a whiney bitch.  You should have taken the war more seriously if you wanted our respect.

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1.  If you want us to add uneccesary letters ans sufixes to our vocabulary, you must first explain the logic of doing so in such words like Lieutenant and liaison.  You can enlist the help of the French to help you on this.

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2.  It's either that or awkward silence.  Take your pick.

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3.  If you think it'll be that easy to take away the one holiday where you can legally blow shit up in an array of light and color, you go right ahead and try.

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4.  We agree with your opinion on the absurdity with the need for lawyers and therapists, but the moment you try taking out guns away, you better have something bullet-proof to protect yourselves with.

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5.  We would love to see you defend yourself against a burgler with nothing more than a vegetabe peeler.

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6.  We accept your challege and will continue to drive our SUV's and Ford F150's on the right side of the road where you'll be coming from the opposite direction.  We've seen those poor excuses for "cars" you drive, and in all honesty:  Jaguar < SUV.  Here's hoping your airbags deploy.

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7.  Do you honestly think the American population will great your new gas prices with open arms?  You'd better hope you took ALL of our guns away before enacting THIs law.

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8.  The American public has agreed to ignore this demand completely on the grounds of it being so gosh darn redunculous.

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9.  We'll accept this on the terms that you accept the fact that the piss warm British Bitter we would serve to you may sometimes be mistaken for actual piss.

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10.  Who the hell do you think we had play the last 5 James Bonds?  Arabians?

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11.  We agree on these terms and challenge the Queen herself to a friendly game of Rugby.  Just her verses the Dallas Cowboys in nothing but professional Rugby garments. 

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12.  We will accept these terms if "her royal majesty" is will to assemble a team of her finest baseball players and play against an American baseball team.  If the British team should win, we shall stop immediately.

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13.  Do you honestly thing we know who did it ourselves?

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14.  If you can work yourself around the I.R.S. system without yourself being screwed financially, then we'll talk.

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15.  We will accept these terms if we are allowed to make some minor ramifications.  Instead of tea, we will have an ice cold Miller Light.  Instead of Crumpets, we will have thick slices of Texas toast.  And instead of Strawberries and clream, we will be having a nice juicy thick cut Poterhouse or a generously portioned Rack of Ribs.

God save the queen my wide American ass.

 

*please note this was in reponse to a blog about an e-mail joke.  This should be handled in a comedic fashion*

reyo Uploaded 09/23/2008
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