A few years back I was into the telephone chat lines. There was one that was free in the Seattle area so I would get drunk and call. I soon realized that the chicks on the line weren't the hotties shown on the TV commercials. Most were so fat you could tell just by their blubber-constricted voices and wheezing.

The way it worked was you record a message and browse other messages, responding to those you found appealing and waiting for someone to respond to yours. Some of the messages recorded by dudes were laughable.

One common tact that guys would use would be to say, "Hey, ladies, single male here. I just put in a porno and I'm sittin' here strokin' my 8-inch cock." (BTW every guy who divulged his dick size supposedly had an 8-inch cock.)

I don't know about you but If I were a chick, telling me that you were jacking to porn would be as sexy as saying, "I was watching you last night as you slept. Kinda' thinkin' bout killin' you." Major creepy!

There was this one dude who advertised that he wanted to buy cheesy, soiled underwear from guys. Seeing as how I was strapped for money and dirty undershorts were easy to manufatcure, (Hell, I can crank them out in my sleep!) I inquired about the details. He told me that he would pay $25 for 3 pair and would buy 3 pair per week. Hmmm...$100 per month extra cash for farting and sweating while wearing tighty-whities? Tempting.

I never sold him any under-toots though. I was pretty sure he was re-selling them on the internet or something. I asked him if he re-sold them and he assured me that they were for his "personal use." Said he just had an underwear fetish.

Guys are pretty filthy motherfuckers. BTW, if any of you out there want to purchase a pair of ugdork original cheese briefs, the ones I have on now are 3 days in the fermenting stage. Color? Yellow and white with brown stripes.