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The Eight Clues You Have Multiple Personalities & What to Do

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Yeah I know it always sounds crazy hearing it, or someone you know has a cousin that is crazy at your level. But the truth is (and you know your afraid to admit it) that you have multiple personalities. Think Dana Carvey in Moving . The key is to realizing that you have multiple personalities. That is why I present to you the top eight clues you have multiple personalities, and what to do in the situation.

Your “other self” sends you emails, messages on myspace, etc

The trick is not to be alarmed. Just roll with it. Do not, I repeat, do not call the police if you start getting threatening messages. If you ignore the other person it may be bad, remember Brad Pitt in Fight Club ? Sorry about the spoiler alert, but my “other self” isn't.

Your “other self” finishes projects, homework, and chores for you

Again do not be alarmed. Your “other self” is just lending a hand, enjoy the free maid service while it lasts. We all know as soon as you go to therapy or start taking your meds again that the luxury will end. So go ahead and enjoy the pleasure of someone else taking out the trash.

Your bank account is overdrawn

This one is easy. Go to your local bank, walk up to the teller, and inform him/her that your “other self” spent the $1,999.99 on the grill at Home Depot. Everything will get worked out in the end. If you also get a copy of the check that your “other self” wrote it would help out your case. I mean come on the name in the top left doesn't even match the signature. Jesus what is this world coming too?

The Mailbox

You didn't remember ordering any crappy t-shirts from cracked.com, yet they ended up on your door step. With the overnight delivery charge might I add. It is obvious that your “other self” is just trying to relax by frivolously spending too much money on grills and shirts. There is return instruction, you can't fit into a XXXL shirt anyway. Your fat & annoying uncle probably doesn't deserve such a nice gift from cracked.com.

Phone records

The most horny person in the world is the one reading this right now, do not lie! Probably just got done checking for cancer or something. Sicko. You know all the free porn sites on the web, and absolutely will not give your credit card away to some shitty porn site that will not give you what you desire. With all that in mind, your call list looks strangely longer and more costly than last month. The records are plagued with 1-900 numbers. No cheapskate such as your self would flood the lines at 2:30 am. Either do not pay the bill, or call and say there is a mistake with the numbers. You don't need a phone anyways, you have no friends.

Weird stains on sheets and clothing

Not since you were made fun of at that slumber party when you were 9 have you had a lot of liquid shortly before bed. Yet you constantly wake up in a yellow Lake Erie on your twin size mattress in your parents basement. Lucky for you the washer is in the same room. Throw it in, and presto the machine will get rid of the embarrassing stains for you. God you are pathetic.

Dented car

You have had black out nights, but you and your car made it back home safely. You walk out to your car and notice a huge dent on the passenger door. Last night wasn't the kind of night to go out and get inebriated. So where did the dent come from? When talking to your insurance company it would be best to keep the “other self” out of the conversation. They may increase your monthly payments, which would really suck.

Weird day at work

So your boss comes up to you with some sort of disciplinary action sheet that you have to sign. You do not remember throwing obscenities or office supplies at him, why the hell then do you have to sign anything? Protest I say, protest. Sign nothing. Call HR and tell them that you were not in control that day, and that your “other self” was. It will get your boss of your back due to some sort of disabilities thing for sure, and you will get paid while you sit in a shrinks office 3 times a week for 6 months.

Boss: 0

You: 2

AWSmith Uploaded 10/04/2008
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