From a faraway land across Lake Ontario,
Resided a lovely lady whom worked in Toronto,
She made the eBaumers hollar and hoot,
Because the way she prounced "about" like "aboot."

But since she was young, and still an eNoob,
And never saw skin on eBaums or YouTube,
She didn't know what fun it could be,
Not at all, that is...

Until she met me.

So I kept this eye out for the timing, just right,
I let her mature some, before I set flight.
Saw her eReps at twenty-four, nine-nine-eight.
I must strike right now, today is the date!

So I went to the feature and with my new plan,
So where's my next victim, in this here land?
Then I coyly struck with such affability,
And quickly I stole,

Her eNoob-ginity.

She fell in my trap
Like a moth to the flame,
It was over in a second
And then she asked me my name.

I'm RJM, I'm your stalker, you see,
And now you've lost your youth to me.
Don't be mad, it was bound to occur,
Once you hit 25k, it happens for sure.

I offered a kiss for my love to show,
Leaning toward her like I care, you know?
Reached for her lips, she lean in toward me,
She made contact...

My balls with her Knee!

So, yes you're addicted to eBaums;
I know it for sure.
An eBuser, who's now experinced more.
And I hope with you won't be angry or sore,
Because I went where nobody's gone before.

And maybe you'll forgive that I made you a whore,
We will make ammends, so we can be firends some more,
I enjoyed the moment I toyed with you,
But don't call me,

I'll call you.

-RJM