what now?

have you ever had the feeling like you were meant for something greater that what you are now, but just aren't living up to your potential? i always seem to have this nagging feeling that i am just not measuring up to expectations. when my son was born i thought i knew what i was put here to do, but at 18 you don't know shit. everyones here to have a kid, dipshit, try again. ok, so i joined tha army and took a telecommunications job. "this is it." i thought. at first the army seemed like a good fit, i enjoyed boot camp. got to permanent duty, and the politics and stupid bullshit started. wrong again. get discharged from the army, go into a deeeeep depression, put a 12 gauge shotgun barrel in my mouth( another blog soon to be possibly) and decide that i need to pull my head outta my ass. i enroll in a technical college to become an auto mechanic. i always have enjoyed fixin shit. i am good at this. fast forward 4 years. i'm doin something i love, but money is shit, wife is on the verge of leavin me, and we live in a really shitty drug and crime infested part of ft.worth. i am not happy with my decisions. damn kid, you can't get this right, try AGAIN. i take a job with a friend(not good) and start out making good money. matter of fact, the best money i have ever made in my life. well this blog is gettin too long so i will sum up in one sentence that year: never trust an ex junkie with your financial security. i am now working in the oilfield and generally don't like my job. its easy and the money and benefits are great, but it just doesn't fulfill me. i need something i just don't know what. i can feel this need. something is missing and i hope i can find it in time.....

Uploaded 12/06/2008
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