Women Drivers

I have a pet peeve and that is people who drive in such a way that it causes traffic in general to be hampered. It could be drivers who are unsure of the rules, timid, aggressive, oblivious, or just plain inconsiderate. I dedicate this blog to you.

Chicks bug me because they are timid, indecisivive, and too slow to react.

*DISCLAIMER* I am making a generalization. Two of the best drivers with whom I have ever had the pleasure of motoring have been chicks.

TIMID: When you are merging on to the freeway and I leave you 6 car lengths, it means I see you and I am hanging back so that you can merge. Don't look anxiously over your shoulder and WONDER if you have room.

I have been in the car with women who were merging and I tell them to get into the freeway lane. They respond, "I don't know if this asshole is gonna let me in."

He's a tenth of a fucking mile back. He isn't suddenly going to accelerate to 120MPH. FUCK!

Ladies, when you are pulling out of a driveway or parking lot, PLEASE stay to the right. If you are in the MIDDLE of the driveway and I want to pull in, I have to WAIT for you to exit. There is room for 2 cars. I was once driving through an alley with my Baby Momma. Being a woman she was, of course, in the middle of the fucking path. Another woman was coming head on and was also in the MIDDLE of the fucking path. Both vehicles just sat there. Baby Momma said, "I don't know what to do."


Guys instinctively seem to know these things. I think it's from when we had to figure out how fast to run and what angle to throw our spears to down a water buffalo while the lady folk just had to know how to sew a loin cloth. It's also why men dominate at video games. Eye-hand shit.

But guys. Stop the fucking aggressive driving. Do you really need to cut across 3 lanes without a signal to show your dominance? Do you need to ride my tail in your Ford F-250 to get me to drive faster. I might be able to break the laws of the road and go faster but the laws of physics are firm. I cannot go faster than the vehicle ahead of me so back off, turn off your high beams, and accomodate me by flipping your rig into a culvert so that I can stand over your bloody, paralyzed ass and hold my cell phone to either call 911 or take a video for eBaum's World. I might piss on the rear window decal you have of Calvin pissing on a Chevy or the Ernhardt #3 that makes me want to shit on you in the first place.

Drive safely. You motorcyclists who drive between lanes of backed up cars. Be thankful I owe $$$ on my car or you would be eating the armrest on my door.

Motor on.

Uploaded 09/22/2008
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