I met my wife at a Singles Bar. Funny thing is, I thought she was at home looking after the kids.
Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.
There are 3 types of women; the intelligent, the beautiful, and the majority.
My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse. Then she told me to take off her skirt. Then she told me not to wear her clothes again.
A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking Sir?" "No. Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?" "No," replies the officer, "you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."
A man is lying in bed with his wife when she rolls over and says, "Say something dirty to me." He replies, "The Dishes.