Everyone tells tales of Santa's Elves

and you might think I'm a nut...

But wait as I tell you all about

Virginia the Christmas Slut.

Her ass is as round as a beachball.

Her lips are blow-job red.

And one should never forget those tits;

each one as big as her head.

Elves make gifts for every child,

whether they are nice or homely.

But Virginia makes a gift of herself,

and her presents are sweet and comely.

She is a slut both inside and out.

Oh, she'll try anything twice.

She's been known to give head under mistletoe

while rubbing your balls with ice.

Or that time she gave anal doggie-style

with a gingerbread house on her back.

And while you can't exchange her gifts

there's no problem with giving them back.

She'll play in the snow with nothing more than a bow

decorating her pretty pink na-na.

And gentlemen cheer from both far and near

for her specialty: cocoa and ta-tas.

And you might think that I'm making this up,

but Virginia's not a lie or a joke.

Winter is dark, and if it's dreary or lonely

nothing perks it up like a poke.

You don't have to be Christian to get her attention.

Virginia will gladly love you.

All that it takes is that your a good person,

whether you're Jewish, Muslim, or Hindu.

She knows sex needs no reason, or even a season

or even a particular place.

So Virginia's there, anytime, anywhere

to moan and to straddle your face.

So some will light lights, or pray to their Lord,

or leave offerings on a Kwanzaa table.

But yes, Santa Claus, there is a Virginia,

and she'll get yo you soon as she's able.