Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.

Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?

Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?

Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage.

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Lama Ding Dong.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.