#If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

#There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

#Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

#Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

#Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

#Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

#Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

#Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.