Well, I just went to the store earlier and it was so hot that the tires melted off the wheel and we had to drive on rims. When we finally got to the store, by the time I reached the front door my flip-flops melted to the sidewalk and I had to leave them behind. When I got home, I decided to take a look at the Regional Drought Monitor and see who was being affected.

I also decided to browse the news, and this is what I found:

It's so hot in Texas that ranchers are selling fully cooked barbecue right from the livestock.

"We let the customer choose the cattle and then we hose it down with sauce and send it out into the fields. Within twenty minutes the barbecue is piping hot and ready to eat," said a Texas rancher. Barbecue restaurants are crying foul over the direct sales of the product to the public.

"This damn heat wave is killing the cattle and our business. We can't compete with the lower overhead of the rancher when we provide our customers with a table, chairs and fan as well as swat flies," said waitress Flo Moore of the "Greasy Fat Dripping Spoon" restaurant in Amarillo.

Oklahoma has been hit pretty hard, too. The heat has changed business for farmers who are using their former crop fields as giant baking pans for brownies. "It's the only way I can put my land and this hellish heat to any use so I'm baking white chocolate, espresso brownies with macadamia nuts for those rip-off coffee houses," said a farmer in Oklahoma.

It's so hot in New Mexico that for an extra $50 the hookers will blow on you.

It's so hot in Louisiana that Cajun cooking has been banned.

As a side note, in Texas the governor said that due to the heat wave and drought, illegal aliens are not allowed to drink American water and must bring their own.

(Original and modified selections from
Uploaded 07/23/2011
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