A woman goes to church with her husband every week, but she is always humiliated by her husband falling asleep. So after one service she approached the vicar and asked him what she should do to stop him.
The vicar gave her a sewing needle and said, "just stab him with this when he falls asleep"

So the next week they go to church and sure enough the husband falls asleep. As the vicar gave a sermon he asked "Who is the creator of all?" the woman poked her sleeping husband to wake him up and he shouted in pain "GOD!!!!", "Yes" said the vicar.

10 minutes later, he fell asleep again, as the vicar asked the audience "who is the son of god?" she poked him with the needle and he jolted awake shouting "JESUS!!" "yes" replied the vicar

Near the end of the sermon he fell asleep again, and the vicar asked the audience "And what did Eve say to Adam after she gave birth to his 99th child?" and the woman poked her husband awake again, and he screamed at her "IF YOU STICK THAT F*CKING THING INSIDE ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!!"