HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' -
She is a' BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' -
She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' -
She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' -
She is a 'previously enjoyed COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you -
She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' -
She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' -
He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' -
He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' -
He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' -
He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' -
He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants -
It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'