Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial.

As a child, Chuck Norris was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time.

Chuck Norris' favorite color is lavender.

If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.

Chuck Norris cried during The Notebook.

A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and fucked every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to fuck sheep.

Chuck Norris started the "Chuck Norris Facts" in hopes of finding a new love. Upon finding out the majority of fans using the facts were guys, Chuck Norris wept with joy.

If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy."

Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

In preparation for his future role as a gay cowboy, a young Jake Gyllenhaal spent a year as Chuck Norris' understudy on the set of "Walker, Texas Ranger."

Chuck Norris scored an 8 on the "Are you a good boyfriend" quiz in Cosmo.

Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord."