Voodoo Dick
TheCommentator
Published
11/21/2008
A 50-year-old husband came home to his wife on their anniversary. With their sex life being the most boring it had ever been since they got married 30 years earlier, he thought he would buy a sex toy to spice things up.
His wife opened up the wrapped box and saw a dildo. "It's not just any old dildo honey. This is a Voodoo Dick and it is activated and deactivated on voice command," the husband explains. "It's just what we need."
So the wife takes her clothes off and lays on the bed. The husband, repeating what the sex toy shop owner told him says, "You have to call the Voodoo Dick by name and say what part of your body you want it to pleasure. You can turn off by calling it by its name again and saying off"
The wife says, "Ok. Here it goes. Voodoo Dick ON!"
The dildo jumps up on end and starts vibrating.
"Voodoo Dick my pussy," the wife says.
The dildo hops off the nightstand and onto the bed. It starts off slowly and picks up speed gradually, so the wife is enjoying it quite a bit. She orgasms three times. After 45 minutes or so, the wife says, "Aaah, ok, ok, ok Voodoo Dick off."
The dildo does not turn off. Instead, it starts going into hyper mode, she's running dry and it's starting to become incredibly uncomfortable. "Read the manual!!!" she shrieks to her husband.
"I did honey!" he yells back. "Voodoo Dick OFF! Bad Voodoo Dick!!!"
With the Voodoo Dick disregarding their commands, the husband grabs it out of her pussy and throws it against the wall. All of a sudden, it turns bright red and starts playing Kenny G. It does a 5-foot jump onto the bed and starts drilling the wife again.
The husband grabs it, runs over the window and throws it out. Thinking it was over, they sigh in relief and joke about how they will never do this again. Within 30 seconds, the Voodoo Dick crashes through another window in the house, flies through the wall and right into his wife's pussy.
"HOLY SHIT!" screams the husband. He throws it out the window again, grabs his wife and car keys and run out to their car. They lock the doors and start the engine. Then all of a sudden, it jumps onto the hood and starts pounding the windshield, cracking and shredding it.
The husband kicked it in reverse, the dildo fell onto the ground and they sped away. Looking in the rear view mirror as they peeled out, they could see the Voodoo Dick hopping down the street at an unbelievable speed after them!
About three miles down the road, a State Trooper sees the speeding car and pulls the couple over. "Do you mind telling me why you were traveling 120mph in a 45mph zone and why your wife is naked?" asks the cop.
The husband hurriedly begins to tell him the story. "It was the Voodoo Dick - I swear it was!" the husband said. The wife confirmed. "He was just behind us. He's stalking us!"
"So you mean to tell me that a dildo is chasing you???" the cop jokingly asks with some sort of redicule.
"Yes sir, we aren't lying." says the husband. "It's called Voodoo Dick."
The cop looks at the wife then back at the husband, stands up straight, trying to retain his laughter, and shouts, "VOODOO DICK MY ASS!!!"
His wife opened up the wrapped box and saw a dildo. "It's not just any old dildo honey. This is a Voodoo Dick and it is activated and deactivated on voice command," the husband explains. "It's just what we need."
So the wife takes her clothes off and lays on the bed. The husband, repeating what the sex toy shop owner told him says, "You have to call the Voodoo Dick by name and say what part of your body you want it to pleasure. You can turn off by calling it by its name again and saying off"
The wife says, "Ok. Here it goes. Voodoo Dick ON!"
The dildo jumps up on end and starts vibrating.
"Voodoo Dick my pussy," the wife says.
The dildo hops off the nightstand and onto the bed. It starts off slowly and picks up speed gradually, so the wife is enjoying it quite a bit. She orgasms three times. After 45 minutes or so, the wife says, "Aaah, ok, ok, ok Voodoo Dick off."
The dildo does not turn off. Instead, it starts going into hyper mode, she's running dry and it's starting to become incredibly uncomfortable. "Read the manual!!!" she shrieks to her husband.
"I did honey!" he yells back. "Voodoo Dick OFF! Bad Voodoo Dick!!!"
With the Voodoo Dick disregarding their commands, the husband grabs it out of her pussy and throws it against the wall. All of a sudden, it turns bright red and starts playing Kenny G. It does a 5-foot jump onto the bed and starts drilling the wife again.
The husband grabs it, runs over the window and throws it out. Thinking it was over, they sigh in relief and joke about how they will never do this again. Within 30 seconds, the Voodoo Dick crashes through another window in the house, flies through the wall and right into his wife's pussy.
"HOLY SHIT!" screams the husband. He throws it out the window again, grabs his wife and car keys and run out to their car. They lock the doors and start the engine. Then all of a sudden, it jumps onto the hood and starts pounding the windshield, cracking and shredding it.
The husband kicked it in reverse, the dildo fell onto the ground and they sped away. Looking in the rear view mirror as they peeled out, they could see the Voodoo Dick hopping down the street at an unbelievable speed after them!
About three miles down the road, a State Trooper sees the speeding car and pulls the couple over. "Do you mind telling me why you were traveling 120mph in a 45mph zone and why your wife is naked?" asks the cop.
The husband hurriedly begins to tell him the story. "It was the Voodoo Dick - I swear it was!" the husband said. The wife confirmed. "He was just behind us. He's stalking us!"
"So you mean to tell me that a dildo is chasing you???" the cop jokingly asks with some sort of redicule.
"Yes sir, we aren't lying." says the husband. "It's called Voodoo Dick."
The cop looks at the wife then back at the husband, stands up straight, trying to retain his laughter, and shouts, "VOODOO DICK MY ASS!!!"
1 Comments