Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".

You've ever hitchhiked naked.

You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.

Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.