Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.