Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please,
please, PLEASE!
- Jimmy

Jimmy,
That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good
boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare
specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can
learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the
space ranger, at least HE can spell!
-Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what
you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with
the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a
hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa