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some classic stand up

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?’ she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, ‘I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you too.
I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds.
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved.
I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
I’ve had a wonderful evening - but this wasn’t it.
jmc1 Uploaded 05/06/2008
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