Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things
'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue
burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that
was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that
someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.
Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off
through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole
way, praying that I'd make it before the grandmal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john,
began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is
burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in
the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging
sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch! ', then quickly left.