My grandmother died in the 50s, but her birthday is coming up, and that
always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store
in town, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds
or washing the sidewalk...

Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the
crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13. We were
sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for
the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.

She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own
family. 'And always remember this thing,' she said. 'Be sure you marry a
woman with small hands.'

'How come, Grandma?' I asked her.

She answered in her soft Newfoundland voice.
'Makes your dick look bigger.'
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?