“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” ~ General George S. Patton

“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure” ~ Jacques Chirac, President of France

“We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.” ~ Marge Simpson

“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.” ~ Rush Limbaugh

“You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it.” ~ John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.” ~ Conan O’Brien

I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France! ~ Jay Leno

“What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?” ~ Dennis Miller

Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered. ~ Jay Leno

“Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that’s because it was raining.” ~ John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from “Run” to “Hide”. If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to “Surrender”, or even as high as “Collaborate”. ~ Jay Leno