In the middle of a pastor's sermon, a man stood up and walked outside. After the service, the pastor approached the wife of the man who walked outside and asked her "Did I say something that offended your husband?" the wife answered "No, he's just sleepwalking."
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A pastor asked, “Who among you here have enemies?” Then the crowd all raised their hands except for one old lady. Then the people around her was amazed and told her "wow, you're very lucky for having no enemies." The old lady replied, "Yes, because the bastards are all dead."
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A pastor baptized seven people today. But lost two of them in the current!
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The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
“No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook.”
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A mother was giving instructions to her three children as she sent them into Sunday school, "And, why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Her son quickly responded, "Because people are sleeping!"
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“Every evening I turn my troubles over to God - He's going to be up all night anyway.”
--Donald J. Morgan
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The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her preacher father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me to preach a good sermon." She asked "Well then, how come He doesn't do it?"
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“I don't know why some people change churches - what difference does it make which one you stay home from? “
--Rev. Denny Brake
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“If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.”
--Anonymous
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It seems there was this minister who just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.
The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.
The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures...and I couldn't stop talking!
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“To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human.”
--John Nadeau