If I had a nickel for every time I failed math, I would have 23 cents

I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

If a twosome is sex with two people, and a threesome is sex with three people, then now I know why I keep getting called handsome

The awkward moment when an atheist sneezes...

Medical Fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would be dead.

I used to listen to dubstep in the 90's . . . every time I hooked my computer up to the internet