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What Women Should Know About Men

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Facts Every Woman Should Know About Men:

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaners. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

All men hate to hear, “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you really want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children.” Sometimes they even leave skid marks.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget, he didn’t lose your number and he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.

If you're dating a man who you think might be “Mr. Right,” if he (a) got older, (b) got a new job, or (c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise: The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. With male menopause you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Men are confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie The Way We Were twice, voluntarily.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating system goes out in the winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. (When four or more women get together, they talk about men.)

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say, “Oh, my God, I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”

Men forget everything and women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays for sports: they’ve already forgotten what happened!
weblur Uploaded 08/10/2012
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