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What Doctor's Say and What They are Thinking

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* "Welllllll, what have we here...?"
(He has no idea and is hoping youíll give him a clue.)

* "Let me check your medical history."
(I want to see if youíve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.)

* "Why donít we make another appointment later in the week."
(Iím playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time or I need the bucks, so Iím charging you for another office visit.)

* "We have some good news and some bad news."
(The good news is, Iím going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, youíre going to pay for it.)

* "Letís see how it develops."
(Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.)

* "Let me schedule you for some tests."
(I have a forty-percent interest in the lab.)

* "Iíd like to have my associate look at you."
(Heís going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.)

* "Iíd like to prescribe a new drug."
(Iím writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.)

* "If it doesnít clear up in a week, give me a call."
(I donít know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)

* "Thatís quite a nasty looking wound."
(I think Iím going to throw up.)

* "This may smart a little."
(Last week two patients bit off their tongues.)

* "Well, weíre not feeling so well today, are we?"
(Iím stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?)

* "This should fix you up."
(The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.)

* "Everything seems to be normal."
(Rats! I guess I canít buy that new beach condo after all.)

* "Iíd like to run some more tests."
(I canít figure out whatís wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.)

* "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
(Youíre crazierín an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink whoíll split fees with me.)

* "There is a lot of that going around."
(My God, thatís the third one this week. Iíd better learn something about this.)

* "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
(Iíve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God Iím off next week.)
ebaum Uploaded 01/05/2007
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