# During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

# When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

# If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

# All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

# The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

# All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

# It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.

# The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

# Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberatel