A pirate walks into a bar. He hobbles up to the bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender looks him over and can't help but wonder if this man is really a full blown pirate. So, the bartender asks him, "Where did you get that peg leg?"
The pirate replies," Argggg, I fell off me ship, and a crocodile bit me leg off. That's why I have a peg leg!"
"Oh, ok," says the bartender, "but why do you have a hook for a hand?"
"I was fightin' me enemy and he sliced me hand off with his sword!"
"Wow," says the bartender, "and you know I'm gonna ask, but how did you get the patch on your eye?"
"Well, see. One day I was sailin' on me big ship and I looked up above and there was a seagull that shit right in my eye!" says the pirate.
"Whoa, whoa whoa... your eye is gone because a bird shit in your eye?" asks the bartender.
"No, it was me first day wit me hook."