10. Contrary to earlier findings, Mars only about a mile from Earth

9. NASA's Mars footage looks suspiciously similar to Atari's Asteroids

8. So far, no sign of Mork

7. Thought I saw Paris Hilton having sex with a Martian

6. We could've taken a photo of Death Valley and saved 400-million dollars

5. The Mars invasion force is already on its way and there's not a damn thing we can do about it

4. It's much more Mars-y than we even imagined

3. Whole "red planet" thing just a marketing ploy by Cherry 7-Up

2. Kucinich's popularity rating on Mars is the same as on Earth

1. Osama ain't there, either