1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
3. The back of your head has a callous from getting hit by the toilet seat.
4. You can focus better with one eye closed.
5. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
6. You plan on naming your illegitimate kids Barley and Hops.
7. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
8. At AA meetings you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…”
9. The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you walk in.
10. The flowers near your house are drunk from too frequent watering.