Boobs Throughout History
aesir911
Published
10/17/2010
A Picture Gallery Celebrating Monumental Moments In The History Of These Glorious Fleshy Spheres
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1.
Before Time - Evolution sure was on the right track. -
2.
30 B.C. - Sexy Egyptian ruler Cleopatra is bitten in the boob by an asp, and a long line forms to suck out the venom. -
3.
16th Century - Wet nurses became popular introducing women being paid for the use of their glorious breasts. -
4.
1680 - Pirates inadvertently discover nipple piercings. Bless those drunken thieves! -
5.
1839 - The first Mardi Gras parade takes place in New Orleans, consisting of one float, some cheap beads, and innumerable bare bosoms. -
6.
1885 - The Statue of Liberty arrives in New York Harbor possessing the largest boobs seen in America up to that point. -
7.
1914 - Push up bras first introduced proving breasts can look even better. Lift those babies higher! -
8.
1917 - The T-shirt finds widespread acceptance, yet wet T-shirt contests don't catch on until the latter part of the century. -
9.
1922 - The Maidenform company is founded, starting the convention of naming cup sizes A through D. -
10.
1929 - The Grand Tetons are named by French trappers. Grand Tetons means big boobs. It's the last time in history the French showed good judgment. -
11.
1941 - Duct tape is created to keep moisture out of military ammunition cases during World War II. In time, it is used to create the illusion of more cleavage, mostly by beauty pageant contestants. -
12.
1943 - Howard Hughes designs cantilevered bra for Jane Russell to wear in The Outlaw. Giant boobs have been involved in making movies ever since. -
13.
1946 - Dolly Parton is born in Locust Ridge, Tennessee. Big boob jokes go mainstream. -
14.
1953 - The first issue of Playboy hits news stands, offering the world a wide variety of boobs. -
15.
1962 - The first breast augmentation surgery is performed. Deemed to be the first undeniable proof life is still worth living even if you have small breasts. -
16.
1963 - Bra burning becomes a symbol of the women's liberation movement. Unleashed hooters somehow make the women's liberation movement less annoying. -
17.
1973 - The internet is created providing a place to share boobs across the world instantly. -
18.
1976 - Farrah Fawcett-Majors poses for a poster in her swimsuit, inspiring bad hairstyles, anorexia and palm callouses around the globe. -
19.
1977 - The TV show Three's Company debuts. Suzanne Somers' nipples become first celebrity body parts in history to demand their own publicist. -
20.
1982 - Phoebe Cates removes her bathing suit top in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The demand for Kleenex stock surges. -
21.
1983 - The Hooters restaurant chain is launched, making lecherous ogling a family-friendly activity. -
22.
1990 - Madonna dons a conical bra for her Blond Ambition tour, accomplishing the impossible. She manages to make boobs undesireable and creepy. -
23.
1992 - Pamela Anderson debuts on Baywatch. Boobs reach an unprecedented level of popularity. -
24.
1994 - The Wonderbra takes the fashion world by storm. Women's rights activists present passionate arguments asserting the bra encourages men to objectify women. Men are so distracted, they don't even care. -
25.
1995 - Seinfeld episode airs featuring the Bro, a bra for men. Inexplicably, John Madden, Pavarotti and Marlon Brando are unavailable for comment. -
26.
1996 - The video game Tomb Raider debuts, featuring top-heavy adventurer Lara Croft. Gives a whole new meaning to the term handling one's joystick. -
27.
1997 - In the popular Austin Powers movie, Fembots use breasts as weapons. In actuality, women have been doing this since before time. -
28.
1998 - A Florida man sues a strip club claiming exotic dancer Tawny Peaks' 60-inch HHH bosom caused him to suffer whiplash. Defense lawyers are paid with a large stack of one dollar bills reeking of cheap perfume. -
29.
1999 - Pamela Anderson has her 36DD breast implants removed, returning her to a 36C. The male population of the planet collectively utters WTF!!! -
30.
2004 - Janet Jackson suffers a wardrobe malfunction at Super Bowl XXXVIII. America has yet to fully recover from the fallout. -
31.
2005 - Maxi Mounds holds the Guinness World Record for the largest breasts. She is soon to be beaten by many women trying to gain the attention of men.
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