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1. After spending a long day of drinking on his front yard, 53-year-old South Carolina man Patrick Doggett decided he needed some booty from his girlfriend, Ms. Faye Woodruff. Unfortunately for him, Ms. Faye was not in the mood for a sad drunken attempt at coitus.
2. Undeterred and ready for lovin', Doggett crawled into bed with Faye, but quickly learned she was not down for any hanky panky because she had her grandchild with her. Typical woman with her typical not-wanting-to-scar-the-children excuses, right?
3. Refusing to have his rights violated, Doggett called 9-11 and immediately reported the crime. According to the official police report, the emergency that required police assistance was "my girlfriend won't give me any ass".
4. When police arrived they found Doggett drinking on his lawn and yelling obscenities toward the wide open front door. Loverboy was arrested for public drunkenness and was held in a cell overnight to sober up. It is not stated whether he found some lovin' while locked up or not.Woodruff stated that she did not want to have sex with him because "she had her grandchild with her and that Doggett had been drunk all day and did not know where he was."