The one from a guy you went out with two times months ago and haven't talked to since: What It Means: "The girl I started dating instead of you broke up with me and now I'm super horny so I'm hoping you're still single and really lonely!"

The one from the girl that broke up with you that appears to be nothing but gibberish: What It Means: It's almost definitely a pocket text, BUT WHAT IF IT'S NOT!? You'll try to convince yourself she's asking you if you want to go see a new DJ called DJ jjjjjjjjbhjbh. It's time to let go.

The bizarre revelation, usually in all caps: What It Means: Your friend took drugs. A lot of drugs.

The late night emergency: What It Means: Somebody is either dying, or your friend Lindsay owes you a lot of big favors after this one.

The Vow: What It Means: Your friend drank way too much and is making promises he will never keep. In a week he'll forget this text ever existed.

The very unnecessary fantasy sports update: What It Means: Your friend need to examine a lot of life choices and you need to keep your phone on silent at night.

The ominous request: What It Means: Your friend is going to jail and you should shred any evidence that connects you with him.

The one from your employer: What It Means: You're either getting fired for something truly terrible, or you have the absolute worst boss in the world that has knows no boundaries.

The inquiry from a girl you've been flirting with: What It Means: She's not wanting to go to Olive Garden at 3am, so that means BOOTY CALLLLLLL

The suspicious request from your roommate: What It Means: He's sleeping in your bed or he's having sex in the living room.

The reminder of a forgotten responsibility: What It Means: You're about to be very single.